This letter arrived when I was 19 after a trip back to Mississippi for Christmas. The mix tape was a long time favorite. I wish it still played. This guy was excitable, brooding and dressed like an 80 year old, but had impeccable taste in music. Honestly, typing this letter made me blush.
"I want to be excited but no one excites me"
I hate you. To god I hate you! I want to kick Shawns ass for even introducing me to you. I HATE you! I bet even right now yr looking over this letter at every fucken misspelling and misplaced coma! Aren't you!?! Yr Puzzle theory doesn't mean shit! Because I'm massively intrigued by you. Never have I ever been this intrigued by anyone! I hate you! I was so happy in my zen, my asexuality, my purity! ))If you want to call it that!)) So happily blowing girls off with cheap excuses. "Oh she's too boring" "She lives too far away" "She's young" Oh they were wonderful excuses! But unfortunately they weren't that, they were really true, half truths if you will! But they worked. But buy! Oh GAWD you! Ugh yr EVOL! ugh! You suck! You didn't cower, you challenged! Yr strong, maybe stronger than I am but I'm not scared. I'm facinated! I accept your challenge. I hate you! Why do you have to be so fucken beautiful. I could give a shit about yr looks, I'm talking soul! Why!? Why can't you be just like the rest so I can get those staring brown eyes and cheek to cheek smile out of my head! Having to fight the urge not to kiss you as the raindrops fell. Watching the lightening accent every feature of that well curved face. I hate you.
I watched you slowly circle the wheel of the car with just the palm of yr hands and i wished they were doing the same on my chest. I wished I could have picked you up out of that damn car and walk out right in the middle of that damn stretch of beach pouring rain and all and do everything I was told not to do and vowed to myself that I wouldn't, unless...
Now do you understand? Why I hate you. With your bowing boyfriend, are you really happy with a twig that's so easily broke in half? I hate you! Make me stick to my morals when everything seemed so right!
I hate relationships, dating, love, women, and equally now do I hate you! Why are you so beautiful? lips, tits, hips, soul and all. I'm sorry I ever thought you were shallow. You're the deepest I've met in awhile. I'm not asking you to be my wife or stoopid girlfriend bullshit but I'm strongly attracted. And I wish I wasn't. It's bad I know. But I can't help what I feel. Yr voice still embedded in my brain and that gawd awful laugh still cracks through the air. I said it before, I don't know rather to kiss you or punch you! Damn you to HELL!
If all women were like you, maybe I wouldn't be so full of hate, but all women aren't that's what makes you special. I've said too much. The first 3 songs are for you. The first, I feel totally describes the night I just talked about, in that boxy car, on a rainy night. God I wonder what would've happened if I did have my own place? Well, the other 2 songs, you figure it out. The rest, for listening pleasure.
FUCK OFF! STILL HATE YOU!
No comments:
Post a Comment